Getting Comfortable with Discomfort
Jesus was not afraid to allow people to experience discomfort.
This may not initially seem profound but consider the way that any public facing organization operates in our culture, churches included. We are allergic to discomfort. Intolerant of it. We will do most anything to sand a rough edge smooth. Maximizing reach is one of the highest priorities – after all, what church would want to reach less people than they thought they could? So, we ask how we can make each interaction as convenient, easy, and as enjoyable as possible. “Make everyone comfortable” is the modus operandi.
To be fair, the zeitgeist forms us so. We live in a culture where a 3.5-star review is a consumer issued death-sentence. There is a recognition that the merest perception of slight might lead someone to break connection with us, disappearing with seldom an explanation. And since churches can’t evangelize or disciple people whom they have no contact with, they do all they can to avoid that happening. Hopefully, they at least stop short of comprising faithfulness to God’s word, but we know even that isn’t out of the question today.
Jesus, however, did not prioritize comfort. Love, truth, grace, forgiveness, and compassion – these were priorities, absolutely. But not comfort.
For example, consider Jesus’ conversation with the woman at the well. What’s His opening line? “Give me something to drink.” The woman was confused for a number of reasons. Who approaches a person and asks that? More importantly, why would a Jewish man approach a Samaritan woman and ask that? Immediately, she was outside of her comfort zone. Yet, she was also intrigued. The conversation continued, and we know the glorious end – a whole village coming to believe in Jesus.
Not all uncomfortable moments with Jesus had such happy conclusions though. Think of the rich young ruler. The man runs up to Jesus and asks, “Good Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” How would you like that to happen to you? You’d likely be ecstatic! Normally, we work try to create an opportunity to share the gospel, but here is one falling right into your lap. But how would you respond to His question? Likely, not how Jesus did. Jesus told the man to keep all of God’s commandments, and when the ruler said that he had Jesus commanded the guy to sell everything that he had so he could come follow Jesus. The young man departed from Jesus grieving over what he had be told. And Jesus didn’t chase him down to reason with him or to explain what Himself. Instead, He turned to His disciples and challenged their comfort too! They assumed the rich were people God had blessed, but Jesus said it was easier for a camel to crawl through the eye of a needle than for the rich to enter the Kingdom of God. Riches now seemed more a curse than a blessing.
Jesus made a practice of making things difficult on purpose. Jesus favored teaching method, parables, demonstrates this. Often, people have said that Jesus taught in parables to make His difficult teachings easier to understand. However, when Jesus was asked why He did it, He had a much different answer. Jesus said that the people had eyes but they didn’t see, ears but they didn’t hear; their hearts were dull and shut to the things of God (Matthew 13:11-15). So, He didn’t teach them plainly. Those who had open eyes, open ears, and open hearts could come and ask Jesus and learn more, like His disciples frequently did. But for the rest, Jesus was making hard teachings harder on purpose.
Jesus certainly was not worried about maximizing His audience reach and retention. After miraculously feeding thousands of people, Jesus had amassed quite a following that hoped to be the next recipients of His generosity. Jesus confronted them directly. He told them that they were only following Him because they wanted bread (John 6:26). If they really wanted bread from God, then they would have to eat Him because He was the manna that God sent from above (John 6:51). Of course, the Jews were confused and even disturbed by this. Jesus’ disciples were likewise concerned, so they approached Him about it. Didn’t He know He had upset the crowd? That they were on the brink of leaving? Couldn’t He just soften up a little bit? Maybe elaborate on what He meant and make His teaching easier to digest? But Jesus responded by challenging His own disciples again, “Does this offend you?” (John 6:61) Many stopped following Jesus after that (John 6:66), yet Jesus continued teaching like this unashamedly.
How do we process all of this? Are we to disregard decorum, to behave brashly, and assume if anyone gets offended that it’s their own problem? Certainly not. We are called throughout God’s Word to be gentle, to be patient, to be kind, to act wisely toward the world, and to keep a good reputation where we can. Likely, our flesh tends to lack compassion toward others and we should err on the side of amicability. Still, I believe we can follow Jesus’ example in practice simply by recognizing that discomfort can be both a necessary and effective part of teaching.
I can’t think of a single area of my life where growth would mean doing exactly what I am doing now. If I wanted to become more physically fit, I would have to push my body out of its comfortable range – lift more weight, do more reps, eat a more intentional diet. If I wanted to become a better writer, I would have to challenge my default tendencies – read more broadly, take on more diverse projects, accept constructive criticism. If I wanted to be a better parent or husband, I would first have to accept the uncomfortable truth that I do not do everything perfectly right now; and that may lead me to accept practices I’ve ignored or rejected previously, to make an effort in areas I’ve left slack, and even to apologize for mistakes I’ve made previously. To grow requires change, and change is often uncomfortable.
If we recognize that need in ourselves, as teachers we will recognize that need in others. We may feel led to lovingly introduce some discomfort to our students. And the predictable response is that some will simply opt out. Unlike the Samaritan woman whose curiosity and captivation pushed her through her discomfort, they will leave, like the rich young ruler, those with dull hearts, and the offended disciples. It is good to be sorrowful over their departure, to pray for their return, to seek to reestablish the relationship if you can, and even to personally evaluate if you have erred in some way that ought to be repented of. However, you ought not presume that someone leaving necessarily means you did something wrong. Jesus never did.
Discomfort is a part of teaching. And we need to be comfortable with it.